Lately life has been cluttered with change and musts alike. I find it easy to get lost in the rush of this society where focus is on performance. I don’t realise my limits until I’m exhausted to the point that I seriously consider convincing Daniel to move out to a cabin in the forest. Crash and burn. I’ve seen it happen to many around me and it’s not pretty. It is the one thing that scares me most, and too often I feel like I’m there gracing its surface.
This weekend I blocked out for downtime. It was unbelievably normal in the most rare of ways. I’ve focused my thought and energy only on the little things like what kind of sheets to buy, the creased white or the plain with a blue fold. We’ve also walked around the neighbourhood without a plan and watched seven episodes of the Bridge. In one shop we’ve never been into before we bought some Christmas presents and in another I found the M Train novel by Patti Smith I’ve been wanting to buy. I didn’t, but that doesn’t matter. When the darkness fell I streamed the Lucia celebration in Sweden whilst we did nothing but hang out. I’m not sure Daniel’s sold on Swedish Christmas carols yet, but the ginger bread biscuits seem to go down well. I wish there were more still days like these. But the only way to make sure there are, is making space for them.
Thankfully Christmas is arriving and for the first time ever, I won’t be travelling anywhere. Not to my sister in Sweden, my family in Kenya or my boyfriend’s family in Canada. Instead Daniel and I will stay here, just us. Although I feel sad about not getting to see my dear family, I also feel content with being able to not do anything. Next week Daniel and I are going to buy a Christmas tree and bake Swedish ‘lussekatter’, saffron buns. It’s ridiculously grown up for being 24, but that feels fantastic. I have a great sidekick after all, who loves doing nothing with me too.