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A Frightening Farewell / A Smashing Start

Linn in London

It’s almost midnight, the day before I’m moving to London again. My room at my godmother’s house is empty, cleaned out and somehow I managed to fit all my belongings into two suitcases and one carry-on. Although they will by all means get the degrading little stickers screaming out heavy luggage as if to tell me I don’t know how to pack. Luckily I’m a boss lady with arm muscles like a wrestler to carry them. One won’t be able to tell though when I stand at Arlanda Airport crying from leaving my loved ones to enter a future of uncertainty.

It’s my eighth time moving countries, and it’s not making it one bit easier. Inside me there is an ocean of frightening excitement running in my veins. It’s the moment before I leap, before choosing a path to go down and so many things will determine my upcoming years. Next week alone we have three house viewings and I have two job interviews. What the fuck will I say at those? Not a clue. I’m aiming for something smashing, but only time will tell. Suddenly staying here in my godmother’s guest bedroom seems a lot safer than using my one way ticket to the UK. But since when do I chase safety?

This year has been so strange and exhausting and hurtful and magical. I’m not the same me returning to London, but I believe it’s a good thing. I’m less destructive and not as tearful, definitely not cooler but surely more confident and knowledgable. It feels like I won’t break as easily, and god that has been awaited. Having been exposed to feedback about my behaviour, first impression, reactions, presentations, expressions every week at Hyper Island, I’ve gotten to know myself. With all the ugliness and charm. I’ve come to terms with people not always liking me and it doesn’t even bother me. So London you won’t be able to crush me either! But I’m definitely up for a battle.

Tomorrow I will eat my last Swedish breakfast in a while, kiss my dear dear sister farewell whilst performing my ugliest and most grotesque version of sobbing. The streets of Stockholm I will call my home for the last time in god knows how long. Perhaps never more. It’s painful and sad, but at least I’m not all relieved to run away like last time. We’re on good terms, Stockholm and I, and even if I’m not head over heels, you have my respect. Being able to say that no I wouldn’t mind living here again is more than I had ever expected.

Within 19 hours I will stand in Clapton with all my luggage and ring on Daniel’s doorbell. I will hear his footsteps running down the staircase and answering the door to put his arms around me. It’ll be the last time we say hi again after a tearful farewell. The long distance term before our relationship doesn’t exist anymore.

So guys, this is when it starts. I will be a Londoner once more and take you with me on my struggles, adventures, love stories and heart breaks. I have 37 pence on my British bank account but here I come fuckers. I expect to get swept off my feet.

 

Linn

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15kommentarer
  • åhhh vad fett att flytta tillbaka! hoppas allt blir bra. Måste också beställa sushi och äta den naken känner jag

    rebeccae 2015-10-30 11:00:44 http://www.dearpravda.blogg.se
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  • linn!!! jeg får frysninger. du er den aller tøffeste og beste

    ida 2015-10-28 21:21:58 http://pilioko.blogspot.com
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  • !!!!!

    Frida 2015-10-27 19:38:38 http://instagram.com/fridamyemilia
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  • Kan inte förstå hur snabbt tiden gått! Tycker du är så himla himla grym. Längtar efter att få följa dig i London!!

    Nastasja 2015-10-27 09:31:12 http://nastasja.blogg.se
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  • Åh! Hur kan det ha gått 15 månader redan. Lycka till med tillbakaflytten!!

    Mikaela 2015-10-26 20:15:20
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  • Fy fanken vad du är cool Linn. Har följt dina äventyr och upptåg ett tag, är himla impad alltså. All the best – ta ingen skit – lycka till i London! Puss & kram

    Anna Hamnevik 2015-10-26 18:54:22
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  • be brave and enjoy your new life in London lovely

    Paulîe 2015-10-26 09:09:14
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  • Så himla bra skrivet, känner verkligen igen mig! Ser fram emot att följa dina London-äventyr, och hoppas inom några veckor att jag har mina egna, är så himla sugen på att joina dig och flytta till London!

    Michelle 2015-10-25 23:55:40 http://michelleserra.com
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  • det kommer bli så jäkla bra tror jag!!

    Ebba 2015-10-25 20:51:32 http://ebbaoctavias.blogg.se
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  • OMG du skriver så utrolig bra! Masse lykke til i London, håper det blir fantastisk! Og håper du har tenkt å skrive en bok snart!

    Vilja 2015-10-25 19:09:53
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  • Love everything about this post; your attitude, the exhiliration and expectation, the way you weave your words! I’m super excited on your behalf (and longing to pack up & move to the UK, myself). Hope you have a safe trip!

    Katja 2015-10-25 13:22:40
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  • Kommenterer aldri, men nå må jeg. Du er amazing, lykke til! Ta London med storm.

    Pernille 2015-10-25 10:33:49 http://halcyonyouth.wordpress.com
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  • WUÄÄÄ saknar dig redan <3 <3 <3 ses snart baby

    frida 2015-10-25 09:42:01 http://fridareg.com/blog
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  • I wish you all the luck in the world!!! Your attitude is so inspiring, like no matter how frightened you are you’re gonna conquer the world anyway. I hope everything there works the way you want it to : ) right now i’m listening to a song called ”coming back strong” and it fits the mood for both of us i guess. so, good luck!

    Juliette 2015-10-25 07:19:47
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  • I wish you all the best in London, and you’ll definitely rock anything you take on!

    Ci 2015-10-25 02:06:28
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