D London is vibrant and hot and wonderful. I ended up having a big dip when we first got back here though. Deeper than at those times when it was worst back last autumn. It paralysed me. Being here when all my friends are working leaves me alone with my mind, which is the most toxic monster I can imagine. Going through therapy this spring has stirred up a lot of fears and a lot of poisonous habits rooted so far back. But luckily it got better after less than a week. Thank god for that.
I’m working so hard to wash it away, the hatred and shame, but there is no doing so. Instead I’m trying to share a space with them. And maybe it’s going alright, a few exceptions aside. After all it’s okay to feel shit and not be all jolly and pleasant. At least Daniel tells me so haha. So the days when it isn’t too bad I wear miniskirts and play loud music and feel shit about finally having time to write and not doing so. I hope I’ll be completely back to normal soon, and do all the things I’ve longed for.
Thanks for being here reading all of you. It’s great that you’ve been commenting a lot lately. It means the world.